Amity Placement

Well the email has come from Amity on a job offer where I would be leaving to go to Japan and teaching in Utsunomiya-shi at the beginning of March of next year. While I am grateful for this wonderful opportunity I do have some doubts about just up and leaving to go to Japan. At first...I wouldn't have hesitated to take the job but now that I have a lot more obligations and commitments here...it's a really hard call to make. First and foremost I'm worried about my loans. Although even if I find work in DC (which seems really dismal and an impossible task at the moment) I would only be able to take on one or two loans at a time if I wanted to pay them off faster. This being considered I would pretty much be only allowed to do the same thing if I took this teaching job but I wouldn't be able to save as much because I would have to pay for rent and other such obligations that living on your own entails. Living at home and commuting to work I could save more and not have to dump all my savings I have now on preparation to live and work in Japan.

My original plan was to maybe work in DC for a year and save while trying to at least pay off one of my loans before I made a commitment to go and teach in Japan. I would be able to save money and by the time I was ready to make the commitment I would have money to spend on the commitment while also having a little in my savings so I wouldn't have to come back home broke...seeing as how I won't be able to save that much in Japan just because all my money would be going to loans and living expenses. I know if I budget right I would be only to save a little...like maybe around $50~$100 a month but I don't want to blow all the savings I have now and go to Japan and have loans up to my neck only to come back a year later with no more than $200 in my savings.

That being said financially it would be more beneficial for me to stay in the states...however, finding a job here has been increasingly challenging seeing as all the interviews I have been on only lead to a rejection email reiterating "Thank you for your time" I am losing hope and feel that I might have to take this job whether I'm ready for it or not. I can't just sit around and wait for a job here knowing that nothing is completely certain when I could have a job in 4 months in Japan...

Not only am I weighing my money woes...I'm also thinking about what leaving here will mean for me personally. I am getting better with being alone and I feel that I might be able to handle living in Japan on my own and figuring out a life for me there. Although I know it will be a lonely one I feel that the job and other activities I  find to supplement my life will keep me busy enough to not go insane. I do think about my relationship...but I feel like he doesn't really care that much about whether I go or stay and since he's been through the heart break thing before I don't thing it'll affect him as much as it will for me. Going away and not talking on a regular basis will put a strain on the relationship and I don't know if we're going to break up or not...but he has he's friends and his job to occupy his time so I don't think it'll be that much of a heartache for him.....*sigh* I really have no idea what's going on in my life right now...I really want to just stay here and save money...and be more prepared for this kind of commitment but there's nothing I can do if no one wants to give me a chance and allow me to work. I also have to think about my loans and the sacrifices my dad is making right now in paying some of the payments while I'm looking for a job...I absolutely just HAVE to find a job so I can help pay these things off...I just have to.